


A Drop In The Ocean.

by hidden_ziall



Series: Bring Me To Life. [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst and Humor, Boys Kissing, Cheating, F/M, Finger Sucking, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Fucking, Gay Sex, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Sad and Sweet, Smut, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, blowjob, zerrie, ziall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 12:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1005250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidden_ziall/pseuds/hidden_ziall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone who is going through changes, is often a bit intimidated by the world around them.<br/>Some other are just gaining habits or stop being themselves.</p><p>And that's exactly what Zayn does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is sad. And there's a bit smut. But it's sad. And it's only the first part. I think there'll be about three more :) Enjoy!x

_**Laugh [Ziall]** ~~p a r t  o n e~~ _

 

_Someone who is going through changes, is often a bit intimidated by the world around them._  
 _Some other are just gaining habits or stop being themselves._

_And that's exactly what Zayn does._

 

"Zayn!", a thick accent calls out, "Open that stupid door, already!"

Zayn closes his eyes, biting on his lower lip in case not to yell at the boy outside the room.

"Zayn, please...", Niall is nearly breaking. Zayn was ignoring him long enough. Not even calling or messaging him for his birthday. He just wants to talk to the older boy - talk to him and tell him that everything is gonna be alright. Even though, he knows it won't. But that's not the point right now.

"Hey..Zayn.. Please, just - ugh - I don't know, alright? Just open the door."

Zayn huffs, biting down harder and one way or another he can't deny the Irish boy. It's not even that he likes ignoring him ('cause he doesn't). It's just - difficult.  
The dark-haired boy stands up from his seat on the sofa and walks over to the door, taking the key in his left pocket and opening for Niall. For a moment, he holds on; inhaling a deep breath and finally facing the younger boy in front of him.

Blue eyes are looking up at him, innocently. Zayn growls, turning around and Niall is sure he will just close the door again. But to his wondering - he doesn't.

Niall stands there, a bit perplexed and jumps just _slightly_ when Zayn lets himself down on the couch, his feet landing on the glass table. The blond looks around for a few seconds, questioning himself if it's better to just leave or walk in. He decides on the latter.

Just as Zayn throws the key onto the table, Niall walks up to him, standing awkwardly next to the armrest.

"Can I talk to you?"

It's a stupid question and Niall knows and regrets it immediately. Zayn growls as response, shrugging his shoulders.

The blond groans, don't knwoing what to do. After shifting from feet to feet, he thinks that maybe he could sit down next to the older boy and decides to take a seat nearly at the edge of the sofa. Zayn seems to flinch, but maybe it's just Niall's imagination playing tricks on him.

Niall's mind is full. He's so confused. He just doesn't know what to say, what to do and mostly _\- what to think._ There's a clutter that he just can't figure out.

"So, you're going to marry her, huh?"

It's really not what Niall wanted to say, in the first place. And his eyes widen for a moment, registering what he just said. He really just thought about it! He wasn't going to say that! But somehow, _yeah somehow,_ it slipped through his lips. He blames the chaos in his head.

Zayn sucks in a breath, his nostrils filling with air, as well. Niall is starting to shiver, he's afraid of what Zayn is going to say.

"Z-Zayn. I-I didn't mean it.", he bubbles out, twisting his fingers, "Msorry! I just -" He can't end his sentence.

"I know.", Zayn simply says and Niall turns to look at him, cocking his left eyebrow. It isn't what he was expecting Zayn to say. He supposed him to yell at him and tell him to fuck off, but not _this._

"Zayn.. I..", Niall doesn't know what to say, opening his mouth and closing it again. There's nothing he could say without making things worse. But he doesn't need to say something, because Zayn is taking this part.

"I'm engaged. I'm going to marry.. _her."_ , he mumbles, looking at some point in front of him and trying to focus on saying something sense-making.

A million questions are going through Niall's mind. Why is he going to marry - _her?_ Why did he never tell him about his plans? Was everything Niall experienced a waste of time?  
He wants to ask. To just get it off his mind. But instead, he reaches for the older boy's hand, which is laying casually on his thigh. Niall's own hand hovers a few second over Zayn's before laying it over it and squeezing it gently.

Zayn stops his mumbling, noticing a nice, warm feeling around his hand and his eyes dart down to see Niall's hand seated over his. He sighs and closes his eyes, laying his head against the sofa, waiting for Niall to speak, because he knows there's _something_ he needs to say.

"S'fine.", the blond whispers, watching their hands and even considering entwining them, but he's not sure if that'd be okay. So he decides on talking. "I.. I'm happy for you. She-She's a nice girl. And..if she makes you happy, then that's good."

Zayn groans, "Niall. Stop it." and the blond wonders what he did wrong. But the worry washes off his face when Zayn intertwines their fingers - in a quite awkward way, actually - and pleasant surprise rushes over him.

"Niall, please."

The younger furrows his brows, causing a small wrinkle to appear between them as he looks at Zayn. The darker-skinned boy - or man, you choose - opens his eyes and if Niall wouldn't know better, he would swear he just saw a glimmer in them. Zayn tries to squeeze the blond's hand, trying to explain Niall that he just needs a hug. Or at least some way of soothing. A _kiss_ would do it, too.

Niall clears his throat as he shifts in his seat, "I don't want you to be sad, Zayn. But I don't know what to do." And Zayn sighs at that, because he _knows._  
Therefore, he lets go of the other's hand and settles it around Niall shoulder, getting him closer to his body. Niall just goes with it, leaning on half his chest, half his side and breathes in.  
It feels good. Too good to actually be real.

"I don't know.", Zayn suddenly whispers and Niall knows exactly what he's talking about. "I talked with my mum about it."  
The blond gulps and he wants to stop Zayn, because he's not sure if he wants to hear what he has to say.  
"I'm sorry. I just - I don't know.", he continues and Niall can hear the unease in his voice. The younger bloke sits up straight, looking into Zayn's eyes.

For a few moments, they just look into each other's eyes, feeling something familiar and Niall gazes into those nearly golden orbs, feeling himself getting lost in them. But Zayn takes him out of that trance. He leans in just a few inches, his eyes flickering from Niall's eyes to his lips, licking over his own one.

And for a _second_ , Niall doesn't care. He doesn't think. He leans in, wanting to feel _something._ And he gets something.  
His rosé lips lock with Zayn's pink ones and it feels like their first kiss, except that it's not awkward. The two man know exactly what to do. Lips moving against lips, fitting _perfectly._

And Zayn can't hold it, he lets out a growl, cupping Niall's cheek and pulling him closer. He needs to feel it - friction. The older raises Niall up, pulling and trying to make clear that he wants him _closer, closer, closer._

Niall understands immediately. He lifts up from his seat, sitting into Zayn's lap, one leg on each of Zayn's sides and a whimper finds its way between their now smashing and clattering teeth as the older moves his hands onto the other boy's hips.

Niall has the urge to run his hands through Zayn's hair, feel the softness against his fingertips and with a final decision, he does just that. He starts stroking and tugging at it and Zayn's tongue silently finds its way into the blond's mouth, searching for even more contact.

They sit there for a few minutes, kissing and feeling over each other, but Zayn needs friction. He desperately wants it. Not only because he's painfully hard, but because he knows _it's the last time._  
With a bite onto Niall's lower lip - pulling at it and causing the younger to moan - he pushes his hips up. Niall lets out a groan when Zayn does it again and again and _again;_ rubbing their clothed members against each other.

They keep doing it for a while, but the need to breathe comes over them and they pull back; lips swollen, hovering over each other and eyes closed, panting rather loudly at the lack of air.

"Zayn..", Niall suddenly whimpers, letting his hands slip onto the dark-haired boy's shoulders.  
"Fuck.", Zayn lets out, shaking his head,  because he shouldn't be doing _that._ "I'm sorry, Niall." Zayn wants to push the blond off him, even considering running away.

"N-No. Please..", Niall interrupts his actions, holding onto the older's shirt, "Don't."  
Zayn gulps, looking into the irish's eyes; seeing the pureness in them and he feels guilty. Dirty. Wrong. Bad. _Yeah,_ he feels just like that.

"Zayn, please, don't go."

And Zayn shakes his head. Because he has to. He is supposed to. With a rapid motion, he pushes NIall off him and stands up, quickly.

"Zayn..."

But Zayn doesn't react. He wants to. But he knows, he can't. Therefore, he walks over to the door, opening it and doesn't even dare to look back, because he knows if he does, it will all get _worse._

Niall sits there on the couch, alone and tears filling his eyes. He calls out for Zayn one last time, watching him walk out of the door and all he wants to do is cry. And, indeed, a hot tear runs down his left cheek. What is he supposed to do? Shall he run after him? Let him be? Run away and never come back? Niall doesn't know. He just sits there, salty tears rolling down his slightly red cheeks and he wipes them away with his sleeve. The blond tries to swallow the lump in his throat, clenching his hands and digging his fingernails into his palms. He's sure, he's not able to  _laugh_ ever again. Not without Zayn beside him.

 

_Someone who is going through changes, is often gaining habits or stop being themself._  
 _Some other are starting to get intimidated by the world around them._

_And that's exactly what Niall does._


	2. Cry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Zayn.. Love me, please.”, Niall whimpers, the last only barely a whisper and a tear runs down his left cheek. He doesn't want this to be the last time. He wants to be loved. Zayn has his eyes closed, ignoring the whines and sobs Niall lets out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is sadder than the first part and there's some smut. enjoy! x (and listen to the song without the love by demi lovato cos it fits ;D)

_**Title: Cry** _

 

_**P a r t  t w o .** _

 

 

 

_Why are we acting like lovers, we don't know each other, even though, we used to rule the world._

 

 

Niall sits in the Hotel-Room and his mind starts thinking. It's not the first time and probably not the last time he is thinking about it. But he can't help it. The only thing that he can still clearly see is Zayn. _Zayn._

Niall isn't sure what he is supposed to do, or why in hell Zayn even invited him to the wedding. Maybe he just wanted to be nice? Of course, he had to invite him. Perrie doesn't even know what is going on behind the scenes. _Perrie._ Niall huffs, rolling his eyes as he lets himself lay on the bed.

_Perrie._

Why can't Niall just be with Zayn? Is it that wrong? To love a boy? It can't be wrong; love can't be wrong. But right now, the blond wishes nothing more than to be able to hate Zayn for what he did to him. The thing is, he can't hate him. He loves him way too much. Niall should have known better, really. He knew it from the start that what the two of them had could never be something permanent. He also knew that Zayn was with Perrie. Niall blames himself for believing Zayn's lies. He told him that he would break up with her — he never did. But Niall always gave him more time, more space to figure out what he wants. And Niall had time to think about it, too. There's a differnece, though, Niall already knew what he wanted right from the beginning.

 

A gentle knock rips the blond out of his thoughts and Niall sighs, expecting Harry or Liam. He stands up and walks over to the door and opens it with a tired expression on his face. What he didn't expect, though, was to see Zayn on the other side of the door.

“Hey.”, Zayn cleares his throat, but Niall is frozen, eyes wide open and mouth a bit parted. “Uh, can I come in?”, the older boy asks now and Niall takes in a long breath, trying to find an explanation for all of this as he nods, stepping back a bit and making space for Zayn to come in. Niall laughs innerly, _Ha, right, space._

The darker haired man stands awkwardly next to the bed, shifting from feet to feet. “So...”, he finally starts, but Niall can't hold back, “What do you want?” As Zayn replies, he seems a bit perplexed at Niall's harshness, “I..just wanted to see if you're alright.” “Well, you didn't care about me the past months.”, the blond snaps and Zayn frowns, “You know why I did this.” “No, I don't, Zayn! That's why I'm so confused that you invited me to your wedding!”, Niall replies, a bit louder than he wanted,  but Zayn ignores him, “Don't you like your room? It's one of the best.”

Niall rolls his eyes, “Yeah, it's nice. What are you doing here?” “Excuse me, but it's my wedding tomorrow, isn't it?”, Zayn chuckles and this _fucking_ chuckle of his, only lets more fury run through Niall, “I'm serious, Zayn!” “I am, too.”

The blond sighs, loudly. Why can't Zayn just go and let him be?! Niall lets himself down on the bed, hoping and begging that Zayn won't follow, but to his bad luck, he does. Zayn settles down, right next to him. “Niall...” “What?” “Let me, at least, talk to you before you can go and never come back, alright?” Niall gulps, because he isn't sure if he wants to hear what Zayn has to say. Or rather hear even more lies.

“No, Zayn. I'm so fed up with your excuses!”, Niall calls out at him and Zayn furrows his eye-brows, “They're not excuses!” The blond snarls, “Of course, not.” Zayn runs a hand over his face, trying to calm himself, “You don't understand.” “No, I don't.” “Damnit, Niall! Let me explain!”, he growls at the younger and Niall shakes his head, “Explain what?! That you ran away? That you lied to me? That you love her? Or that you risked the band?!”

Zayn is speechless, because everything Niall says is right. It's _so_ right!

“I don't understand you, Zayn..”, Niall sobs, tears coming up in his eyes, “I know you love her, alright? I just.. I don't understand why you did this to me! Zayn, why?!” A few tears run down Niall's pale cheeks and Zayn can't take just sitting next to him and doing nothing.

In a swift motion and without thinking twice, Zayn presses his lips onto Niall's, kissing roughly. Niall lets out a suppressed noise, but Zayn forces his lips onto the blond's hard enough to swell. Niall wants to react, wants to push Zayn off him and yell at him to go away. But he can't. He knows it's the last time they are probably going to see each other and if this is what they'll be doing, it's fine for him. It's not like Perrie would find out, anyways.

With a final decision, Niall starts kissing back, opening his mouth to let Zayn's tongue slip in and lays down on the mattress, Zayn hovering over him. “Niall...” “Shh..”, Niall kisses Zayn again, trying to pull him closer, their chests pressed against one another, “Please, Zayn..” Niall doesn't know what he is begging for; for him to please him or to stop, because he starts feeling guilty.

“I need you...”, Zayn suddenly mumbles and it makes Niall's heart swell repeatedly. He lets a hand grip into the other's black hair and kisses him even rougher. Zayn runs his hands over Niall's body, pushing his shirt up and lets out a groan when he can finally feel the blond's soft skin under his fingertips. The older man pulls away, pulling Niall's and his own shirt over their heads and leans down to kiss the blond's neck, then trails more kisses down to his shoulder, then his stomach and then stops and nibbles on Niall's prominent hip bone. “Mmm..”, Niall sighs out, pulling him atop him and opens his legs to slot the boy between them.

Once again their lips connect, Niall lets his tongue swipe across Zayn's bottom lip and they keep kissing as the younger's hands open the other's pants gently and Zayn pulls away to pull them completely off, glancing at Niall's small body with that smooth chest of his and pale abs. Zayn's cock is straining his black boxers while his mouth moves down to kiss at the blond's throat, kissing and biting, sucking on the skin. Niall's hands run up and down Zayn's back, feeling his muscles flex under his fingers,

Zayn's mouth wanders down to Niall's torso, kissing gently each nipple and then blowing air to the trail of hair between them. Niall lets out a moan as Zayn moves a hand to stroke over Niall's clothed erection, pulling down his sweatpants afterwards. Hot lips wrap around Niall's dick as soon as his boxers are gone and Zayn kisses up and down, taking in as much as he can. “Zayn..”, Niall lets out, grabbing into the sheets. The older pulls away, looking up at the blond who has his eyes closed and Zayn can't help but think, that he is beautiful like that.

Zayn pulls off his boxers and holds two of his fingers in front of Niall's mouth. Niall immediately knows what to do and opens his mouth, letting Zayn put his fingers between his lips and starts sucking on them. Zayn's other hand starts stroking his own cock and when he finally pulls his fingers out of the blond's mouth, he positions himself between his pale thighs and gives Niall's hole a soft kiss, before gently circling his pink-ish rim with his forefinger. Zayn looks up for a moment, seeing Niall bite his lip and his eye-brows furrowed, waiting for his fingers to enter him. The dark-haired man looks down again, pressing both his fingers in and starts fingering him open. Niall gasps at the intrusion, hissing when Zayn starts pressing his digits further in, one of his hands soothingly rubbing up and down Niall's thigh while Niall's own hands are still fisting the sheets.

Small moans escape his lips and as Zayn looks up again, Niall's eyes are open wide, staring at him with dark pupils and Zayn feels a tug in his heart as he watches him. He shrugs it off, concentrating on pleasing the other boy. He crooks his fingers and Niall's back arches with a stifled yelp as he bites down on his lip harder, because Zayn found that _spot._ And Zayn does it again, not stopping, causing Niall to see stars, his dick twitching on his abdomen and leaving a bit of precum. _“Ngh — Zayn — please.”,_ Niall moans out, loudly, eyes shut again and Zayn nods as he lets his fingers slip out slowly, spitting into his palm and then stroking his aching cock with it.

Zayn leans down to Niall's lips, whispering, “I'm sorry, if it's gonna hurt, babe.” And Niall nods as his heart breaks into a million pieces. _Babe._ The older wraps one hand around his erection, lining up the head at Niall's slightly puffy hole and pressing against the rim, while his other hand holds Niall's hip. Their eyes meet again and Zayn leans a bit down, kissing the blond's rosè lips as he presses in further. Once again, Niall arches his back and Zayn lets out a groan as his length explores the blond's heat, pushing in until his balls rest against Niall's bum. He stays still, waiting for Niall to get used to it and gets his permission to move by Niall whispering, “Do it.”

Zayn rocks his hips gently and pulling out shortly before pushing back in, keeping the slow pace. Niall's nails drag down his back and his legs wrap around Zayn's waist, trying to get him even closer and getting him in even farther in. “ _Ah_ ” _,_ is the only thing Niall can get out when he accomplishs and Zayn pulls back a bit, stroking with his right hand over Niall's blushing cheek.

“So beautiful...”, Zayn breathes out, never stopping the movements of his hips, “So perfect..” And Niall can't help it. His breath hitches and tears form in his eyes and he _cries._ This is all too much. Zayn nibbles at Niall's throat and along his jugular. “Zayn.. Love me, please.”, Niall whimpers, the last only barely a whisper and a tear runs down his left cheek. He doesn't want this to be the last time. He wants to be loved. Zayn has his eyes closed, ignoring the whines and sobs Niall lets out.

Their bodies are slick with sweat, the room starting to get hotter with every passing second, and their lips meet again, more fervor and need is exchanged. Niall starts feeling giddy as both boys are nearing their edge. “Zayn — _ngh_ — please, cum with me.”, Niall whines and Zayn begins to speed up just a bit, hitting Niall's prostate with every thrust and Niall's eyes close shut as the friction causes flashes of colours to appear behind his eyelids.

Zayn wraps a hand around Niall's dick and starts moving it up and down and the touch is enough to have Niall come in white spurts over their stomachs. The clenching of Niall's rim causes Zayn to come hot into Niall as they both moan each other's names. Zayn collaps onto Niall, but Niall could't care less. He is just happy he could have this moment with Zayn. His breath comes out fitfully as the older turns onto his side and lays onto the mattress next to the blond.

“Fuck.”, Zayn mumbles out, slapping a hand against his forehead, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Niall frowns, “Zayn?” “I'm sorry, Niall. Shit!”, the dark-haired man groans, standing up and Niall sits up, but regrets it immediately, because he didn't fully come down from his high and his head spins. Zayn heads over to the end of the bed, picking up his jeans and shirt and sliding his legs into the trousers.

“Zayn..?”, Niall asks, eyes wide, because he has a bad premonition of what is going to happen. But Zayn ignores him completely, fumbling with the zipper. “Zayn, please don't go.”, he tries again and this time he turns around, looking at the blond with guilty eyes. Niall looks at him pleadingly, hoping and begging for him not to go. “I'm sorry, Niall.”, he whispers, staring at the ground. Niall stands up with the blanket wrapped around his body and walks over to Zayn. “Let's just talk.”, he whispers, taking the older's hand into his and entwining their fingers, but Zayn immediately backs away, “Talk about what Niall? We can't _just talk_ , you know that. My wedding is tomorrow.”

And once again, Niall's heart breaks. Zayn turns around and walks out of the door, shutting it loudly again and Niall falls down to his knees. Tears run down his cheeks and he is sure now that this is the worst day in his life.

 

And as he falls asleep later that night, he dreams of his wedding. He dreams about how beautiful it would be, to see Zayn standing in front of the altar in a suit, a smile on his face as he says 'yes'. He dreams about how beautiful it would be if he was the one marrying him.

And when Niall wakes up at four in the morning, tears stream down his cheeks again, because, _fuck,_ it was only a dream. It will _always_ be a dream!

 

_This is how water colours fade, into distant memories._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i kinda feel awkward, cos i've never written smut before. i mean, not like them having sex. so, yeah, that's the first time. i hope it wasn't too horrible..  
> leave a comment if you want.  
> lots of love,  
> elli! xx


End file.
